Blogiraamat “daki.elab.siin” (2007)

RAAMAT LÄBI MÜÜDUD.

Tutvustav lõik kirjastuse Petrone Printi koduleheküljelt:

See on ühe Eesti loetavaima ja legendaarseima internetipäeviku – daki.tahvel.info – kildudest kokku pandud raamat, kus ühe sümboolse aasta jooksul saame osa ellu astuva – oma sõnutsi – bipolaarse ja maniakaaldepressiivse neiu melodramaatilisest elust.

Raamatus pole ranget ajalist liini: kokku on pandud erinevad kevaded, suved, sügised ja talved. Ka vorm on vaba: juhtunud seigad on kirjas vabavärsis luuletustena, mininäidenditena, anekdootidena, segamini on koomika ja traagika. 

„SL Õhtulehe reporter Dagmar Reintam ehk Daki tuli minu ellu tänu sellele, et sattusin lugema tema netipäevikut.

Mäletan isegi esimest lauset, mis sealt tol esimesel korral mu pähe kleepus.

„Kui üksik hulkuv koer jookseb mööda tänavat, kas ta teab, kuhu ta jookseb?»

Millegipärast jäi see lihtne mõte minu sisse. Järgmisel päeval läksin tagasi. Lugesin, kuidas ta prügikasti põlema pani, kuidas ta vannis tampooniuputuse korraldas ja kuidas ta kass on tegelikult inimene. Ja seda, et ta veel 14aastaselt uskus päkapikke, aga 22aastaselt on tal olnud lugematu arv mehi ja ikka veel usk Sellesse Õigesse, kes kusagil vihmade taga peidus on.

„Aga millal sina viimati sillal jalgu kõlgutasid?» oli seekord lause, mis minusse kõlama jäi. Jah, millal?…

Mis temas on? Ma ei saa siiani sellest täpselt aru. Ja olen siiani tema maailmast lummatud.»

Epp Petrone, raamatu „daki.elab.siin» toimetaja

Katkendeid raamatust

Tegelased
Siki – Daki noorem (ja ainuke) õde. Ilus, enesekindel, äärmiselt suure südamega.
Birx
– Daki parim sõbranna. See, kes Dakit jalgel ja mõistuse juures hoiab.
Ema, kasuisa, isa – Daki perekond, keda ta armastab nii, nagu nad on.
Tannu – Daki parim meessoost sõber (jah, sõber)
Rüblik – Daki endine klassivend, kellega ühel heal päeval, õigemini ööl…
Patsy – asendamatu mees, kui on vaja juua õlut, tantsida ja ajada totaalset jama.
Katre – sõbratar, kes on olnud Dakiga aegade algusest saadik. Bravuuritar.
Katz – endine klassiõde, Birxi ja Daki südametunnistus.
Piir, Lehis, Rain, Signe, Piu ehk Priit – Daki “gäng”. Armastavad stiilipidusid.
Maia, Andris, Evu, jri, Maali – blogisõbrad, teised digilapsed. Mõned neist on olnud erinevatel aegadel ka Daki korterinaabrid.

Härra – kraapivalt sügava jälje jätnud kunagine armastus.
Miuksu – must karvakera, täisnimega Pisike Beib-Mees Miu-Miu. Kasside soost.
Koerad – haukuvad, jooksvad, suured, omanikuga, omanikuta, tekitavad Dakis küsimusi.
Lehmkajakad – mutantselt suured Tallinna kajakad, Tartu omadest nelikorda kogukamad.
Rong – suur, rööbastel, nostalgiat ja vibratsiooni tekitav.
Tšikk – suvaliselt sisse astuv tegelane tänavalt, enamasti blond ja kontsadega.
Taksojuht – jutukas isend autoroolist, kellele Daki annab raha ja kes pajatab vastu lugusid.Vahel on ta Eriti Hull Taksojuht ega lase Dakit taksost välja, ka siis mitte, kui sõit lõppenud – jutud tuleb kõik ju ära rääkida.

***

ERIALA: SITAS SUUSATAMINE

Teate küll, mis on kassiliiv? Ja kuna kassid on loomu poolest elukutselised sittujad, siis tuleb selle liiva seest vahel nende junne ära visata. Need lendavad koos ülejäänud samalaadsete käkkidega vetsupotti. Aga paistab, et isegi paar kaasa pudenenud liivatükki võivad põhjustada minu äravoolusüsteemides katastroofi, muutudes saviks ja ummistades kõik augud.

Kujutate seda ikka ette?

Kuidas ma mässasin tunnikest-poolteist lihtsalt kättpidi vetsupotis. Sitas siis, eesti keeles otse öeldult. Kindad küll käes, aga nägu peaaegu potis. Ja paanika aina suurenes: pott oli savisegust vett täis, mis ei liikunud kusagile.

(jätkub raamatus)
TOOMAS JA ANDU

Meie tänavas elasid kunagi kaks poissi. Vanem oli umbes 13 ja noorem 8. Nimed olid Toomas ja Andu. Andul olid suured-suured silmad, hästi pikkade kaardus ripsmetega. Sellised vesihallid. Neil olid vist vanemad ka, joodikud. Ükskord nägin, kuidas ema neid meie maja ees peksis ja karjus nende peale. Andu ja Toomas. Ma üritasin neid aidata. Kutsusin paar korda sotsiaaltöötaja, andsin neile salaja külmikust hiivatud süüa. Andu klammerdus mu külge. Ootas hommikuti maja ees, kuni ma õue läksin ja temaga olin.

Vahepeal peksis Toomas Andut ka. Aga siis, kui ta mind nägi, jättis järele.

(jätkub raamatus)
„Äkki on tarvis veel kedagi matta, kui me juba auku kaevamas oleme?»

Taksojuht #1 (raadiosaatjas): „Kas kellelgi on labidat?»

Taksojuht #2 (autos): „Mille jaoks sul seda tarvis on?»

Taksojuht #1: „Õnnetu juhus, pean kliendi maha matma.»

(Eetris pikk vaikus.)

Kiisu: „42, paistab, et sa pead ilma labidata läbi ajama.»

(jätkub raamatus)
JA SEE POLE UNENÄGU!

Ma läksin uute jookide järgi. Trepi peal sain kokku ühe tuttavaga oma getoelu aegadest, kes tahtis mind kallistada, aga ma ei lubanud. Ta üritas mitu korda, aga ma lükkasin ta eemale. Siis ta lihtsalt lõi mind viis korda näkku ja lõugas midagi sellest, kuidas mittemingisugused eided ei tule talle ütlema, mida ta võib ja mida ei või teha. Ma hakkasin kartma, et ta peksab mu surnuks, jooksin trepist alla ja mõtlesin, kuhu põgeneda. Ta hakkas mind jälitama („Kuhu sa jooksed, raisk?! Ma pole sinuga veel lõpetanud!»).

Mu sõber M. seisis ukse juures ja hõikas midagi sellist, et ära muretse, kõik saab korda, sina ainult jookse. Põgene!

(jätkub raamatus)
TEEDE LÕPUTUD PAELAD
Ma ei mäleta, miks me tülitsesime. Või õigemini — ma tean. Sest meie tülid olid kogu aeg ühel teemal. Miks tema arvab, et meie lugu on muinasjutt ja kuidas minu jaoks see nii ei ole. Meie olime minu jaoks reaalsus. Päris elu. Ainus elu. Aga mina, mina olin tema jaoks olnud ainult muinasjutt, armuke, kelle juurde reaalsusest põgeneda. Ja nii me ei saanudki üksteisest aru.

Ma karjusin. Tema oli vait. Tema karjus, mina olin vait. Me magasime öö läbi, seljad teineteise poole. Ma kuulasin ta hingamist ja nutsin, sest teadsin, et ta ei hakka kunagi minust aru saama. Ja mina ei suuda kunagi oma kummitustest lahti lasta. Hommikul ta tõusis ja ainuke asi, mis tal mulle öelda oli: „Kui mind siia ei taheta, siis ma enam tagasi ei tule.»

„Ma ei jäta seda asja nii,» ütlesin ma vaikselt, ust tema järel kinni tõmmates. Ta kuulis seda küll.

(jätkub raamatus)
OI, AEGU AMMUSEID…

Ja nüüd teile üks juhtum, kus Daki tegutses jälle stiilis Bridget Jones in action». Ehk siis meenutusi sarjast Miks see alati minuga peab juhtuma?!».
Umbes poolteist aastat tagasi ootasin ma külla ühte noormeest. Pesin nõusid ja asju. Mõtlesin, et oh, tühjendan tuhatoosi ka ära, ilusam või nii. Lõpetasin suitsu, kõlas uksekell, valasin kähku tuhatoos prügikasti tühjaks ja jooksin fonolukku avama. Aga teel koridori avastasin, et torud olid läinud umbe ja kogu mu haisev solk oli tõusnud vanni. Kutt tuli üles, kupatasin ta kohe torustiku kallale, ise olin täielikus paanikas. Kiljusin ja hüppasin ringi, kuni ta torudega mässas. Siis läksin korraks kööki: oh üllatust! Kraanikausi alt prügikastist tõusis paksu suitsu. Kuum tuhk oli kõik süüdanud.

(jätkub raamatus)
HETK LIFTIS: AJALOOTUND PELDIKUTEST

Mees: „Tead, miks Versailles` lossi ümbruses on kuivanud puid ja põõsaid palju?»
Naine: „Ei tea. Miks siis?»
Mees: „Sest kuninganna külalised pidid põõsa taga sital käima kunagi. Ja siis nad pühkisid perset väikeste kivikestega, tõmbasid suurema jama ära. Aga tead, miuke on Neenetsi peldik?»

(jätkub raamatus)

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