…ja sarju pole vajagi:

dude, i woke up naked in her front yard…apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,”oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on” I think god is up there laughing at me.

*

(216): bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
(440): isn’t bella the cat???
(216): that she is

*

(434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
(540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

*

(732): fuck the hobbit
(301): what about unicorns?
(732): fuck those pointy horses

*

(207): I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

*

I may or may not be wearing a cape. Hint: I am.

*

(850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
(850): I ‘m gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

*

(480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn’t working?
(325): Because you touch yourself at night.

*

(508): i’m not a human right now. not even a dancer.

texts from last night – pure genious, i say